Flames of Revolt

Matchbook

Great. Just what I need. Rook has a job for us. Of course, by “us” I mean some giant Russian with the worst fucking mustache I’ve ever seen, a walking armory in a skirt, a hooker that looks like she’s turned more tricks than David Copperfield and yours truly. I’ve been to Rook’s a couple times. They have juice for the lights. They have girls. They have food and drink. I did manage to palm a flasher from the pedal cab that picked me up, score one for the good guys.

Rook is pretty polite for a cold blooded killer. A bit long winded though. So what’s the job already?

Tims takes care of Allentown which is just been targeted by some runaway war machine. Easy problem to solve. Blow the fucker up! Wait, there’s some kind of blue box he needs so we can’t blow it ALL up.

Fantastic, this just gets better. Our Tims not only runs Allentown, he’s a farmer. A DOPE farmer! Apparently getting to A’town isn’t so important that he can’t stop off for some bud.

WHOA that dude is dead! On the upside is 12 cans of beans, a buckboard, 20’ hemp cable, 20’ of hemp rope, a couple horses and a mule.

HOLY SHIT! I was trying to rig the cabin to blow and nearly botched the fuse AGAIN! NICE it worked! One of the raiders just went flying over us. The fields are going to burn for days!

Near Boeing ruins we get ambushed by pig centaurs…PIG centaurs lady and gentlemen. They’re intelligent enough to use primitive weapons. Let’s see how they like a fucking pipe bomb! I guess Tims is an ask questions first kind of guy. Doesn’t seem to fit our team’s mission statement. There’s hope for him yet, he volunteered to butcher the pig centaur for dinner.

View
Matchbook II

I was able to trade a favor to Clip for a handful of bullets. I figure there’s enough to amp up a few new toys.

Oh FUCK! Timing like this has to be some kind of P.L.O.T. device. We just got to this Podunk produce stand and tanktank tanktank tanktank comes over the hill. RUN! Air support? Someone has an Eagle 5. I’m moving around to pipe bomb the treads and let someone else deal with making it stop shooting.

Damn leg! They’re totally going to beat me to the tanktank. Oh well, at least I won’t have to waste a pipe on it. WOW, sniper babe Clip took out the tanktank’s evil eye. A couple bots climbed out of the front of the tanktank. Mustache managed to stop one in its track before getting clubbed.

Some chick in coveralls sucking on a lollipop…sorry, got distracted…runs to the back of tanktank. It looks like she’s going to pull some “engineers are more important than bombers” stunt. Man, I hate when that happens. Fine. Bomb in treads it is.

Damn it AGAIN. The tanktank stopped moving. Maybe I can pop the fuse so I don’t lose the pipe. Nope. No such BOOM luck.

And all Tims gives us is a tour of Farmville and some lousy dinner. Shut the fuck up and give me more of that yummy chicken! Now, what the fuck is this blue lit black cylinder I found?

King to trade! 1 coil of cord for 1 bottle of fire water. Seriously, this shit burns! Bottle of bio diesel.

Oh sweet. We’re sharing over dinner. Pearl Necklace found the blue box and ‘Pop had another cylinder. Seems someone in the village may be the one controlling the tanktank. Or not. The one I found was the homing beacon that called the tanktank to defend the area. Tanktank found people here and did what dumb ass tanktank do, start shooting.

Spent the night building some toys using the bullets, whiskey and c4 I managed to score.

‘Pops gonna try to use the black tubes to track down whoever as it in for the town. Two miles east of A’town.

Ok, when someone puts a sniper in the tree, we’re a bit past the “can we borrow a cup of sugar?” stage. Wait, this guy was just some hunter. Oh well, he won’t need this shit any more. And here comes his hunting buddies. Yeah, they probably didn’t wake up this morning thinking they should have stayed home.

View
Matchbook III

Found out the hunters were a bunch of old god boys. Nice to know we sent them to a “good” home.

The signal finally led us to some kind of what ‘Pop calls a satellite dish. Guess what I’m gonna do with THAT!

6 bots on the way down the hill. Mustache has a pretty good arm on him so I gave him my grenade. DAMN! That went off so well I almost sprung wood. Still coming though. I hope our pistol packin’ mamma comes through…Crack…that’s our girl. WOW, these fuckers have laser guns.

Oh crap oh crap oh crap. ‘Pop got hit. I fuckin hate being a hero but I’ll go get her. Here comes the cav.

Watching these guys trying to figure out how to get the dish off the pole is we funny. I kept telling them they should have just let me blow the fucking pole up.

Tims tells us that some dude named Spider is Rook’s brother. Seems they’ve been trying to out dick each other for a while. Is it possible that we were hired to a high stakes game of grab ass? Of course it is. And it even gooder. Hooker chick found a cigar butt and Spider smokes these exact kinds of cigars. So, here’s the plan. Take proof that Spider is the butt face back to butt face Rook and let Rook pay us to do another job.

Pay for the job is a total of 12 coin and another 20 in Rook IOU. ($256)

Now we’re going after Spider’s tattoo. He won’t be easy to get to. Know what I find works to make things easier? Right, more explosives!

View
Matchbook IV

So, here’s the plan. We get a boat. We get a trashcan. We fill the can with BANG and FLASH. We drop the can in the boat and float it between Spider’s air strip and stadium. BANG and FLASH! Bad guys go find out what happened and we sneak in the door I blow in the wall. Easy peasy, yeah?

Or we can send in the tits. I hate to say it but I hadn’t considered that we won’t know where Spider is once we blow the wall. Fine, I’ll put my bomb away.

Man, it’s like we don’t know what we’re doing. So, HERE’S the new and improved, etched in stone, no plan b plan. ‘Stach and Clip grab a dingy we load on the buck board and head south. Drop tits at the front door and wait for her call. She finds out where Spider is and we blow the boat, then the door then scalp. Now, let’s see if we can pull this off.

Man…she’s been in there a long time. Maybe we should call her.

There’s the signal! The SS Bullet Magnet sets sail. And then we’re one if by land.

A party? Craptastic. We can still make this work. The boom went off as planned and we’re in position. The doors are open so I won’t need the breach. I’ll smoke screen for ‘stach. (scratch 1 smoke) Clip will snipe cover for tits as she takes, instead of gives, Spider head.

She’s riding him like a wild bull! She’s got her cord around his neck and the chairs going over. Come on Clip, take out the thugs!

Fist of Fire and Fist of Steel! Come on you mud fuckers, I got you game ball right here! Hot cheerleaders? Hot pants? Fire crotch! That’s it, Fire Crotch (scratch 1 fire)

She’s at the 50! She’s at the 40! The 30! 20! She’s going all the way again! TOUCH DOWN GOOD GUYS!

And the good guys win again! Well, maybe we’re not exactly that good.

View

I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.